The Sledgehammer – Version 2.0

April 3, 2008

Got Milked?

Filed under: Advertising, Food — Tags: , — Brian Lutz @ 12:15 am

Recently at work, they changed the brand of milk that they provide in the breakroom coolers. Usually, such a change wouldn’t warrant much attention (after all, milk is milk, right?) but one thing that I’ve noticed over the years is that there seems to be some unwritten law that all milk cartons of a particular size are required to contain some form of advertising geared toward elementary schoolers. In most cases this appears in the form of some sort of puzzle requiring roughly second grade reading comprehension to solve which inevitably extols the virtues of milk-drinking, or occasionally they might throw some popular preteen pop cultural icon on the box in barely legible monochrome and call it good. On the other hand, sometimes they go just a little further:

Meet Smoooth, Darigold’s suspiciously androgynous spokescow, now with 33% more vowels than the leading brand! Sunglasses and a bright red mohawk that would get a door slammed in your face if you showed up for a date with it lend automatic street cred (provided that it still happens to be 1988.) With those looks, Smoooth should need no introduction, but the side of the carton provides a little background

As you can see, no expense was spared on the adjectives here. Not only is Smoooth a super-cool, hip, chocolate milk drinking, number one bovine, but he/she’s also an ambassador of fun. Unless there’s some UN proclamation I don’t know about that has made Casual Friday a universal human right, I ca’t think of any situation in which an ambassador would dress like that, especially when acting in a presumably official capacity such as appearing on a milk carton. And since when do cows actually drink chocolate milk anyway? For that matter, do cows that are presumably capable of lactation still drink milk in the first place, chocolate or otherwise?  It’s probably best not to think about these things too much…

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: