The Sledgehammer – Version 2.0

April 12, 2008

At Least You’ll Look Pretty When You Get Sent to Bed Without Dinner

Filed under: Random Stuff, shopping — Tags: — Brian Lutz @ 1:03 am

With the big candy holidays out of the picture for a while, there aren’t a whole lot of opportunities to sell holiday related stuff these days.  Sure there’s Cinco de Mayo coming up, but the merchandising for that particular holiday doesn’t seem to extend much past convincing people to drink imported beer.  On the other hand, Mother’s Day is about a month away, and although you rarely see much merchandise specific to that particular holiday outside of the greeting card aisle, that doesn’t stop people from trying to get you to buy things for your mother. 

Cosmetics and beauty products seem to be a popular category for this type of thing, and a new line of these known as Soap and Glory (Note:  Their website is currently 97% content free) has recently shown up in the local Target stores.  As the pictures below show, these products don’t exactly seem to be “things you’d give to your mother on her special day” material.]

Right away, it becomes clear that you’re going to get some puns along with your hair and skin care, and it also becomes clear that these items are being marketed toward the angst-riddled teenager and/or twenty-something urban hipster demographics.  Apparently catering to this audience requires you to borrow extras from low-budget 50s zombie flicks to use as models on the packaging.  If anyone in either of those demographics happens to have children by now, they’re more likely to expect a Mothers Day present created with fingerpaints than something like this. 

Moving over to the other side of the shelf we find Girligo body moisturizing mist, claimed to drive sensible men to dizziness.  Based on that particular description, I’m not sure if they mean that the stuff is supposed to make women seem more attractive, or if it’s intended to create disastrous results when applied to sensible men driving or operating heavy machinery.  Besides, when was the last time your mother needed to drive anyone to dizziness anyway?

And no, in spite of what they’d like you to think, that’s not quite obscene (at least not until you look at the  pricetag.)  Even so, if I were to present this product as a Mother’s Day present, I’m pretty sure my mother would tell me to go buy the soap that goes with it so she could wash my mouth out on general principle.

Since I tend to be somewhat disinclined to make use of such products on a regular (or irregular) basis, I find myself unable to discuss their actual merits in this space, but some people out there seem to quite like this stuff.  Besides, even though I don’t consider myself to be all that sensible, I think it’s probably best for everyone that I stay away from any products purported to induce dizziness and/or plumped-up lips. 

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