(Before any of you out there bother to ask, this is not one of THOSE posts. Those readers so inclined are politely requested to remove their minds from the gutter before proceeding. -Ed.)
When I first moved into my current apartment several years ago, it was necessary for me to purchase a new bed for myself, among other furniture items. The bed I ended up getting was one of those pillow top models that seemed to be all the rage at that time, at least until all the cool kids moved on to viscoelastic foam and other space-age sounding materials. All in all, I’d have to say that the mattress I have works out pretty well. It’s comfortable, and I can sleep well on it (most of the time anyway.) There’s just one little problem with the thing: I just can’t ever seem to find sheets that will actually fit.
Part of the problem here is the height of the mattress itself. When you’re sleeping on a mattress that is all of six inches thick and about as “soft” as a slightly damp rock you generally won’t have a whole lot of trouble finding sheets to fit it. When you get one of these pillow top mattresses that gets to be 12 or 13 inches thick, the depth of sheets gets to be a bit of a problem (I think officially it’s supposed to be 14 inches, but I don’t seem to be well equipped for precise measurement of fluffy items, so I’ll go with my guess on this one.) A lot of the sheets for sale these days will now specify how deep a mattress they can handle, but in my unfortunate experience I have found that most of these numbers seem to be completely made up. For example, not too long ago I picked up a new set of sheets which claimed to be suitable for mattresses up to 15″ depth. Although I have never bothered to measure the depth of my mattress until I decided for some silly reason to Blog about the topic, I figured that would probably be sufficient for my needs. When I got them home and installed them on the bed, they seemed to mostly fit, but still left portions of the bare mattress exposed on the sides, which is probably a big no-no on the remote chance that Better Homes and Gardens ever decides to show up to do a photo shoot for their “Highly Disorganized Bachelor Pads of the World” special issue. Since it’s easier to just close the door to my bedroom than to try to make it look presentable (and because I don’t think anyone else besides the apartment maintenance guy has ever been in there while I’ve lived here,) I just decided to live with it. This worked out OK up until it came time to wash the sheets, at which point they decided to shrink on me. I was still able to get them to (mostly) fit on the bed so I continued to live with it up until it came time to wash them again. Further shrinkage occurred on the subsequent washing, and when all was said and done I was left with this:
Ummm… Yeah. Those sheets ARE supposed to be for a queen size bed, right? Fortunately I think I only paid something like $20 for the things at Ross, so I’m not out that much money (in case you haven’t noticed recently, sheets can get REALLY expensive in a hurry if you let them) but did anyone even bother to try the things on a 15-inch deep mattress before they went and slapped the “fits mattresses up to 15 inches” label onto the packaging? I have since reverted to an older set of sheets that is (somewhat) less ill-fitting than this one and continue to wonder if sheets that actually fit this bed even exist.
I’d say that my quest for the perfect set of bed sheets continues, but at this point I think I’d settle for “adequate”.