The Sledgehammer – Version 2.0

March 17, 2009

A Bit of a Rough Spot

Filed under: Random Stuff — Tags: , — Brian Lutz @ 12:16 am

Whoever it was that said that a bad day on the golf course beats a good day at work obviously  never had a round quite as bad as this one.  Of all the lousy tee shots, hooks off into the woods and three-putted greens that had occurred over the course of the last seven holes, none of those shots came anywhere near the terrible lie that they were now facing after a particularly horrendous approach shot managed to somehow land in the absolute worst possible place that it could have landed.  If someone was trying to deliberately get a golf ball to land in the spot that it did from that distance, it might take them years and a truckload of range balls  to actually get something to land there.  The odds of Jim and Nick both managing to land a ball in that spot not only during the same round, but at the exact same time had to be astronomical.   This, of course, was no consolation to Nick and Jim, who were going to have to try to hit out of this mess, and Jim was clearly in no mood to ponder statistical improbabilities at this point in the round.

“What do you mean take a drop?  You’re supposed to play the ball where it lies!” Nick said, looking just the slightest bit dismayed by his partner’s apparent lack of faith in his skills.

“And just what  do you plan to take that shot with, a baseball bat?” Jim replied.  “There’s no way anyone is going to be able to get a good shot on that one.”

“Oh come on, it’s just a little tall grass, nothing we haven’t dealt with…”

“…Eighteen times already in this round,” Jim interrupted before Nick could finish his sentence.  “And even if my pitching wedge wasn’t currently sitting in the bottom of the water hazard on five, I have no idea what club I’d even use to take that shot.”

“Why not just ask the caddy?”

“You mean the one that was last seen fleeing back to the clubhouse three holes ago and threatening to call the cops?”

“Well, you DID tried to run him over with the cart.”

“Come on,” Jim blurted out defensively.   “I barely even…”


“Oh never mind that.” Jim snapped, “Let’s just get this over with. ” 

“Agreed,” Nick replied, a bit relieved to be able to finally get back to the task at hand.  “So, how do we play this?”

“I don’t know, have you got a pool cue in the bag?” Jim replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“And just what would that accomplish?”

“I don’t know, but given the fact that you don’t even know how to hold a freakin’ golf club right, I doubt…”

“What do you mean?” Nick interrupted.  “It’s called choking up on the handle. You should try it sometime.”

“Um, wouldn’t you have to actually GRIP the handle in order to choke up on it?”

“Hmmm…  Maybe you have a point, but I got a great deal on these clubs, so I’ll just deal with them.”

“Why do I even bother?” Jim snapped, putting a palm to his face for emphasis.  “This whole thing is ridiculous.  The weather, the course, the big dent on the front of the golf cart… ”

“…And don’t even get me started on whose idea it was to enter a freakin’ synchronized golf tournament in the first place.” 

“Oh come on, it sounded like fun.  Besides, all we need to do is eagle the next six holes and we’ll be right back in it!”

“Yeah, like THAT’S going to happen.  Now let’s get this over with before those guys back at the tee start cussing us out again.  Now let’s see…  It looks like I still have a four , a six, a seven and a nine, and I don’t think the lob wedge is bent too badly.  Which one should I use?” 

“Go with the seven.  If we can put some distance on it we can still reach the green in four- er, I mean five.”

“If you say so.  Oh, and would you please try not to maim anyone this time?”


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