The Sledgehammer – Version 2.0

July 15, 2009

At Least We Know Their Marketing Isn’t Half-Baked

Filed under: Advertising — Brian Lutz @ 11:14 pm

Tanning salons seem to be the type of business that comes with a built-in image problem, especially during the Summer.  Aside from the fact that basically they are trying to compete with the sun itself for at least three, possibly four or even five months out of the year, there’s also all the pesky “tanning is evil” propaganda from the usual set of scolds they have to contend with.  I really don’t have an opinion either way on the whole subject, but while waiting to catch a plane out of Salt Lake a few weeks ago there was one of these joyless heliophobes lecturing on the inescapable CNN airport feed, and man she was tedious to listen to.  I stopped paying attention (as much as you can avoid CNN in the airport, which is often very little) around the time she started explaining why it’s necessary to wear sunscreen every day (even in the dead of winter) and why you really shouldn’t ever be going outside for any reason whatsoever anyway.  But I digress.

In order to try to drum up business in what must be their slow season, one of the local tanning salon chains sent out this flyer in this week’s batch of dead tree spam, complete with an allegedly happy couple exhibiting some serious tans and complexions that must have taken hours to photoshop into that level of perfection.  If I ever had the inclination to try to attain that level of tan, I’d probably be a lot more likely to end up burned to a vaguely leathery crisp.  I suspect the reality of the whole thing is a whole lot less glamorous than they’d like you to think…

… probably something more like this.  I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be some sort of light, or if she’s just fallen asleep and been in there for three hours, but the combination of the blazing red skin tone and the dark vacant stare of those UV goggle things makes her look like she’s about to rise from the dead to go snack on some brains.  The text on the back of the flyer advertises the availability of all the latest UV and UV-free tanning beds, but unfortunately doesn’t say much of anything about zombie-free tanning.  I think it’s best that I not take my chances with that one, thank you very much.

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