The Sledgehammer – Version 2.0

May 7, 2014

Fun With Insomnia: A Series of Unfortunate Decisions

Filed under: Bad Ideas, Fun With Insomnia — Brian Lutz @ 2:21 am

One of these days I should really learn to stop eating at my computer.

Back when I added Fun With Insomnia to the category list on my Blog, I figured I’d be using it quite a bit.  After all, I tend to have problems sleeping at times, and I got the idea that spending that time writing rambling half-coherent drivel instead of lying awake in bed being annoyed by the fact that I can’t sleep might make a somewhat more productive use of my time.  Then again, by now I’ve pretty much figured out that I can write rambling half-coherent drivel pretty much any time I want to, so there isn’t really a whole lot of point in restricting myself to certain times of the night to do it.  Of course, I try not to make that fact too obvious here, so I tend to toss most of that stuff into other categories and hope that nobody notices.

Ironically, I wrote most of that first paragraph a few hours ago, then stopped because I was having trouble staying awake.  The net result of this was a roughly 1 1/2 hour nap, from which I woke up nice and groggy right around 9:30pm.  Given the fact thart I was pretty much half-awake at this point, I figured I’d be making it an early (by my standards anyway) bedtime, and made the usual preparations.  It was about 11 or so by the time I was ready to go to bed.  and roughly 11:30 by the time I actually turned the lights off.  Naturally, this is right about the time that the sleep inertia from the nice little evening nap happened to wear off, and I found myself wide awake in bed.  This is usually right around the point where you remember why those after-work naps tend to be a bad idea.  Typically it takes about an hour or so of tossing and turning before I start to realize that sleep doesn’t seem to be on the agenda, at least not anytime soon.  It is also right around this time that I start coming up with some of my “best” bad ideas.

Tonight, it was right around 12:30 that I started pondering completely absurd things, and started to wonder just how quickly I could be eating eggs if I jumped out of bed that very instant.  One thing led to another, and roughly fifteen minutes later I found myself at the second-nearest Denny’s (there’s actually one just a couple of blocks from my apartment, but I don’t go there all that often because it’s kind of a dump)  ordering something else because I had completely forgotten my original aim by that point.  Oh, and since I was already in the process of doing any one of a number of stupid things, I tried to write this Blog post while eating, which probably explains why I’ll be reading it sometime tomorrow morning and wondering what the heck I was thinking.  In theory, the Surface Pro I picked up a couple of months ago when they had the things really cheap (I don’t think I ever mentioned that I got one of these) would be perfect for this type of situation, but I’m quickly learning that the $129 type cover I bought with it seems to be better suited for decorative purposes than for use as an actual keyboard.  I could probably get better at this with practice, but quite frankly, it’s kind of a pain to use.

Anyway, based on my admittedly very small sample size of largely irrelevant data, I figured out that under ideal conditions someone could probably be eating eggs at an all-night diner within roughly 15 minutes of jumping out of bed, although this does assume roughly five minutes of dressing oneself in a socially acceptable fashion, no significant traffic between their current location and said diner, and fails to take into account the traffic lights that might be encountered along the way.  Specific optimizations could be made to streamline the whole process, but who in their right mind would call ahead to Denny’s to place an order?  Then again, there are plenty of other ways that eggs could be consumed within the comforts of one’s home.  I suspect that if someone has a quantity of eggs in their fridge and isn’t completely repulsed by the prospect of eating them raw, they could significantly reduce that number, down to almost zero.  Then again, as efficient as that may sound, don’t expect me to try any experiments on that anytime soon.  I could probably continue to overanalyze this to death for at least another thousand words or so, but I should really be in bed by now, so I’ll refrain from doing so (either that, or I’ll save it for another post.)

In retrospect, it occurs to me that by the time someone finds themselves at Denny’s ordering a three-course second dinner sometime after Midnight, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to trace this occurrence to one or more bad decisions, usually made in rapid succession.  One of these days I should figure out that those nice little naps after work, although they seem like a good idea at the time, have an annoying tendency to end badly.  Then again, I’m not really up past my bedtime, just everyone else’s.

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