The Sledgehammer – Version 2.0

June 5, 2009

Why Johnny Can’t Spell

Filed under: Food, Random Stuff — Tags: , — Brian Lutz @ 6:43 pm

My apologies if I’ve been a bit quiet here over the past couple of days, but I’ve had a fair bit going on lately, including a return to work (as much as I enjoy writing here, it’s not exactly paying the bills…  It’s not paying the bills at all, in fact.)  Of course, going back for another Microsoft contract means that I’ve once again got access to the world-famous drink fridges, and all the milk I could possibly want to drink (which apparently isn’t a whole lot these days, but at least it makes it easy to stash a box or two of cereal in my desk for a quick breakfast in the morning.)  As I’ve noted in previous posts, for some odd reason the milk cartons we get in the fridges at work come with these cheesy little bits of vague paper industry and/or nutritional propaganda wrapped around some sort of “activity” on the back  in an effort to entertain and/or enlighten bored elementary schoolers  for roughly three or four seconds while  they eat lunch.  Of course as you might expect of such things, most of these end up being the type of thing that even a third grader would find insipid.  Then again, every so often you might actually learn something from one of these things (for example, I had no idea I was supposed to eat five buckets of veggies a day until the milk carton told me so.)   Of course, on occasion we get something just a bit odd, like the one you see below.  I’d point out the problem here, but since we’ve already established that we’re not exactly dealing with rocket science here, I’ll let you find it for yourself:

If for some unknown reason you find yourself stumped by that (I can’t possibly imagine why) you can always follow the suggestion provided on the carton and head over to smartcarton.com for the answer, which I’ve included below to save you the trip:

Um…  Wait a minute, when were we supposed to be looking for a frog?  And what happened to our racooon?  For all we know, landing the front of this milk carton might have been his big break, and now he’s been conveniently made to disappear?  Something’s awfully fishy here…  And speaking of which, has anyone seen the squirral around lately?  I think someone’s got some explaining to do…  And while we’re on the subject, when was the last time any of you saw a koala in their well-managed forest anyway?

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April 4, 2009

Pardon me sir, is this the offramp?

Filed under: Random Stuff — Tags: , , — Brian Lutz @ 3:42 pm

Just a quick post from the back of my brother’s car in the construction backup on 520, where people on the 148th onramp seem to be a bit short on patience today. Not that I would exactly recommended taking 520 if you can manage to avoid it, but it’s definitely not worth heading the wrong way up the onramp to avoid. I bet that would be a fun ticket to try to explain though…

Update (a little bit later on, on something that isn’t the the dinky little keyboard on my phone:) I should note that it wasn’t just the guy in the picture above trying to turn around on the onramp.  In fact, we saw at least 4 or 5 different cars trying to  pull this whole “wrong way up the onramp” routine, and that was just in the relatively short time while we were passing by here.  Given the fact that even with the construction reducing 520 to one westbound lane we couldn’t have spent more than about 20 minutes waiting to get through it.  Let’s consider the options here:  Have a bit of patience and wait through the backup, or drive into oncoming traffic and risk a head-on collision and a potential reckless driving citation to maybe save a few minutes.  I can see turning around if you’re on a two lane road somewhere with no oncoming traffic, but I can’t think of any situation where it wouldn’t be completely boneheaded to pull something like this on a freeway onramp.  Eventually as we came back by here in the other direction, we saw that the construction company had just closed off the onramp completely.  Probably not a bad idea, given the circumstances…

February 3, 2009

Things That Are Not Good in Bed

Filed under: Random Stuff — Tags: , , — Brian Lutz @ 11:57 pm

(Before any of you out there bother to ask, this is not one of THOSE posts.  Those readers so inclined are politely requested to remove their minds from the gutter before proceeding. -Ed.)

When I first moved into my current apartment several years ago, it was necessary for me to purchase a new bed for myself, among other furniture items.  The bed I ended up getting was one of those pillow top models that seemed to be all the rage at that time, at least until all the cool kids moved on to viscoelastic foam and other space-age sounding materials.  All in all, I’d have to say that the mattress I have works out pretty well.  It’s comfortable, and I can sleep well on it (most of the time anyway.)  There’s just one little problem with the thing:  I just can’t ever seem to find sheets that will actually fit.

Part of the problem here is the height of the mattress itself.  When you’re sleeping on a mattress that is all of six inches thick and about as “soft” as a slightly damp rock you generally won’t have a whole lot of trouble finding sheets to fit it.  When you get one of these pillow top mattresses that gets to be 12 or 13 inches thick, the depth of sheets gets to be a bit of a problem  (I think officially it’s supposed to be 14 inches, but I don’t seem to be well equipped for precise measurement of fluffy items, so I’ll go with my guess on this one.)  A lot of the sheets for sale these days will now specify how deep a mattress they can handle, but in my unfortunate experience I have found that most of these numbers seem to be completely made up.  For example, not too long ago I picked up a new set of sheets which claimed to be suitable for mattresses up to 15″ depth.  Although I have never bothered to measure the depth of my mattress until I decided for some silly reason to Blog about the topic, I figured that would probably be sufficient for my needs.  When I got them home and installed them on the bed, they seemed to mostly fit, but still left portions of the bare mattress exposed on the sides, which is probably a big no-no on the remote chance that Better Homes and Gardens ever decides to show up to do a photo shoot for their “Highly Disorganized Bachelor Pads of the World” special issue.  Since it’s easier to just close the door to my bedroom than to try to make it look presentable (and because I don’t think anyone else besides the apartment maintenance guy has ever been in there while I’ve lived here,) I just decided to live with it.  This worked out OK up until it came time to wash the sheets, at which point they decided to shrink on me.  I was still able to get them to (mostly) fit on the bed so I continued to live with it up until it came time to wash them again.  Further shrinkage occurred on the subsequent washing, and when all was said and done I was left with this:

Ummm… Yeah.  Those sheets ARE supposed to be for a queen size bed, right?  Fortunately I think I only paid something like $20 for the things at Ross, so I’m not out that much money (in case you haven’t noticed recently, sheets can get REALLY expensive in a hurry if you let them) but did anyone even bother to try the things on a 15-inch deep mattress before they went and slapped the “fits mattresses up to 15 inches” label onto the packaging?  I have since reverted to an older set of sheets that is (somewhat) less ill-fitting than this one and continue to wonder if sheets that actually fit this bed even exist.

I’d say that my quest for the perfect set of bed sheets continues, but at this point I think I’d settle for “adequate”.

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